Man-Animal War: Smart Dog Saves Dumb Family, Dies

A story from last Thursday really got a lot of the human interest writers typing furiously over the heroism of a collie named Lassie that awoke her family during a house fire to save them from the blazing inferno. Unfortunetly, Lassie herself was not as lucky; for her heroic efforts, she was somehow left to die in the fire. Read the story.

This story bothers me, so I am writing to all of the collies that read my blog out there: If your house is burning down, get the f$@& outta there! While I can appreciate the care you have for your family, they clearly do feel the same for you, as they apparently rush out of the burning house you awoke them from, only to allow a piece of the roof to collapse on top of you.

This is America; we are a capaitalist country: it's every man, woman, child and dog for himself. So, for the Lassie whose family thought a dog was a good replacement for a smoke detector (and whose family is also as unoriginal as to name their collie Lassie), the next time there is a fire in the house and they are all sleeping, don't be a hero, gather yourself calmy and strut out of that fire as any good collie should do.

I'm the only one who'll be straight with you Lassie, so listen when I tell you man and animal are in a battle for the planet and this kind of chivalry will not be recipricated from our end. I promise, it does not serve your community well. Onward canine soldier.